The Coat Hanger

It was all good just a week ago….
I had the perfect life. A wonderful job (which I loved doing), two wonderful kids (whom I loved very much), wonderful friends (my homies, my homies, love them like brothers), and most important of all, my very, very wonderful wife, (you guessed it, I love her so much it hurts).
Everything was perfect. Life was good. I’d just gotten a promotion that came with a 50% bump in my salary, and a brand new chauffeur driven car. Things couldn’t get any better. continue reading......

THE CALL

“Ok. I’m ready for you. You can start coming over”
Those words felt like I’d been told that I’d just won the lottery. I put on my jeans, sprayed some colongne and headed out. While locking my door, I did a quick mental run through..
Wallet, check.
Phones, check.
Bottle of wine, check.
Condoms, definitely.
It was finally going to happen. We had been doing the back and forth for a while now. We’d met at the mall. She had a smile that could make an impotent man hard melt an ice cube. I approached, did my thing and she fell.
(come to think of it, she fell too easily. Well, I’m a bearded god. They always fall).
We went on a couple of dates, me smiling on the outside while fantasizing about the things I would do to that ivory body! She wanted to take it slow though, so I (reluctantly) agreed. Lots of kisses and touches later, and she couldn’t take it anymore.
“I think I’m ready for you”
Those words sounded like rapture in my ears.
“I’ve been ready for a long time” I replied.
She agreed to get a hotel room, and call me when she was ready. continue reading......

FWB

Damn. How did I get here……
I always thought stuff like this only happened in Hollywood. Timberlake meets Mila Kunis. They both agree to bump uglies, strictly on a professional level, no feelings involved. Then they both fall in love and live happily ever after right? WRONG!!!!

She was one of the most beautiful beautifullest creatures I’d ever laid eyes on (correct me at your own peril). You know your boy had to spit a little game. Maybe it was the lyrics, maybe cos I’m just that fly, (maybe it was the beard ;-)), but Vicky was feeling the nigga (shout out to banga lee). Vicky, beautiful Vicky, my porcelain skinned goddess, Vicky whose smile made me melt inside, Vicky who….. sorry, I digress.
She had a boyfriend though (they all do), so we agreed to keep it purely physical. The sex, Chineke nna, the sex was pure fire!!!!! She’d come over, with nothing underneath her robe, we’d get high and fuck make love all night. THIS WAS THE LIFE!!!!!
Soon I began to find myself smiling when no one was around, my heart skipping a beat anytime she walked into the room. Friends started telling me i looked happier, more content.One day it hit me. I think I’m in love!!!!! This was such an alien feeling!! Me, Nze!!! Love ke!!!! Tufiakwa!!!!!! Me wey dey change babes like boxers!!!!!! Still, I couldn’t deny it. continue reading......

Office hours

It’s been a while!!! Yeah I know!! My bad!! Work & all that stuff. Well, I’m back again with another short story {fiction ohh ;)}. Hope you enjoy it. As always your comments are welcome, just go easy on your boy…..

This shit has been going on for far too long. Being overlooked. All the stupid excuses.
‘Oh, you know that you are a bachelor na, you don’t have responsibilities’
‘Ah ah, you wey no get even wife, talkless of pikin, wetin you wan use money do’
And so on. Comments that had been eating deep into my soul. Yet I took it all with a smile on my face, & a faux non chalant attitude (whatever the hell that means). Everyone else making money, yet I’m the only one getting fatter. Which just gives them another excuse to give
‘Ah, you dey fresh oh, oboy you dey chop up’
Now they’ve loaded the final straw onto the bale that broke this homie’s back (pause). Mua!! Nwa onitsha ado!!! Mbanu!!!! continue reading......

B.S.K

It’s that time again. I can smell the excitement in the air, can feel it deep in my marrows. The urge has been building up for quite a while now, & finally it’s time to let it all out. I can hear the sound of her heels hitting the asphalt as she walks towards her gate.

 Oh my God, I hope she doesn’t hear the sound of my heart beating in this bushes. By now, I think I probably know her schedule better than that fake guy she calls her boyfriend. Oooh, the things I would love to do to him!! But for now she’ll have to suffice.
As she (her name is mary) fumbles in her purse for the keys to the gate, I creep up from behind her, the chloroform soaked rag ever ready. She turns around & I can see her pupils dilate in terror, but it’s already too late. I put the rag on her face, squeezing lovingly, while whispering tenderly in her ears “don’t fight it, just give in”. After a minute (or two, I’m so excited I can’t really tell), she stops kicking & her body falls limp into my arms. The hardest part is almost over.  continue reading......